Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic

By Esther Perel

Favourite Quote from this book:

“Today, we turn to one person to provide what an entire village once did: a sense of grounding, meaning, and continuity. At the same time, we expect our committed relationships to be romantic as well as emotionally and sexually fulfilling. Is it any wonder that so many relationships crumble under the weight of it all?”

By Esther Perel

The Author is a relationship and sex therapist in New York one of my favourites, she talks through sexless marriages in this book and how she has fixed them with her expertise in passion, kink and fantasies. She also wrote the book “State of Affairs” that is all about rethinking infidelity (Full book review on this website)

If you are in a long-term relationship or you want to be in one, then you MUST read this book. It provides guidance on how to have stability, security and comfort in your long-term relationship, whilst at the same time creating uncertainty, mystery and risk – The core requirements for passion. Even if your relationship is new and exciting, I suggest reading this book as it gives you all of the tools you will need to prevent the desire turning dry further down the line.

Reading this book has certainly made me more open to the topic of sex. I believe sex must be talked about openly between lovers! Some of us barely know what we like in the bedroom as we’re conditioned to shy away from the topic. How can we keep the passion alive if we don’t even know what makes us tick in the bedroom?

In this book, you can explore what drives your passion and build the confidence to talk comfortably about your pleasures with your partner so you can keep the fire burning!

What I have learnt from this book:

Desire needs distant

We put so much pressure on our partners to be our everything. Our rock, our life partner, our best friend, our business partner, and, our lover. Sometimes its hard to desire what is so available. We must give a sense of mystery to our partner and have some separateness such as spend more time with other support systems such as friends and family. Ester Perel describes techniques on how to produce a sexy separateness with your partner so that you can see them the way you saw them at the beginning of your relationship, when you first laid eyes on them.


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