Gaining Confidence and Dealing with RejectionAug 09, 2020
Confidence and rejection come hand in hand.
Your confidence and success all depend on your relationship with rejection.
Think of all the times you saw a hot guy or girl and you never went up to them. Think of all the jobs you wanted to pursue but you never applied for them. Think of all the business ideas in your mind that you never went through with. I want you to ask yourself why?
You never went forward with what you wanted because you’re scared of the word NO!
N-O … that 2 letter word has stopped you from something your soul wants.
So now you need to ask yourself why you’re afraid of the word no?
The word NO will not pinch your skin. It won’t physically hurt you so why do we hold back on asking out the person we fancy?
We must understand that even is that person says no it has brought clarity to your questions. It will redirect you in another direction that you can be sure of. If you never asked out the guy or girl you liked you could maybe enter another relationship always thinking what if. So, if they gave you the solid no you can be sure and finally accept the person in front of you now.
Many people don’t put themselves forward because they have been hurt or rejected in the past. Even being rejected from a job can be hurtful and can be enough to stop you from applying for any more. If you continue to stay hidden and stop chasing what you want, you will end up hating everyone around you, you will become bitter and resentful. You’ll notice people in your life who are always scoffing and gossiping about successful people. ‘Who does she think she is’ when in truth this person desires the courage themselves but never went for it and become envious.
Do no let being hurt before imprison you and keep you from your dream life.
Your dream life is just a few rejections away from you. Life is a numbers game and when you don’t get what you want you can use it as feedback, not a failure! After all, how will you know what you like until you’ve tried what you don’t like? Every date and every job is an opportunity to create your dream life by understanding what you don’t like in a partner or a job.
Don’t let the fear of something happening be the reason nothing is happening
Think about the times you have actually gone for something and got it. I asked the guy I was last seeing why he had the confidence to approach me. He said he couldn’t have cared less if I said no at least he tried. As I sit here in the cafe, I notice a flirty glimpse here and there from a guy but hasn’t approached me. That person could have approached me and in a few years we could be getting married but nope he never went for it he was too scared of the word NO.
The person that asks is a fool for 5 minutes, but the person who doesn’t ask is a fool forever
Don’t take it personally
When someone rejects us we tend to take it personally, we think its somehow our fault. Maybe we weren’t pretty enough? Maybe we weren’t funny enough etc.
But there is plenty of reasons why people reject us such as compatibilty. Maybe you just weren’t suited. Think of the times you just didn’t click with someone. it wasn’t particularly their fault, was it?
The next thing I want you to recognise is why you are so hurt when you are rejected. It can be really painful when someone rejects us as they are taking away our greatest need which is love and validation. Are you hurting because you need their love and validation in order to feel good? As I have mentioned in my book we have grown up without understanding how to love and validate ourselves so we usually turn to others in order to validate our self-worth.
If your feeling like this I’m here to tell you that you need no one to validate you. You can validate your damn self by giving yourself, love. There is plenty of ways you can practice self-love (cough cough reading)
You can stop beating yourself up and start appreciating how amazing you are when you understand this you won’t need that other person’s validation to feel good you can take the rejection and you can hold your head up high.
The right person is the person that chooses you, not the person that has the qualities you like.
So, the person that let you go has done you a massive favour because the most hurtful thing a person can do is string you along when they know you aren’t compatible so see rejection or ghosting as a god damn blessing because they have set you free to find someone who chooses you!
Books for self-confidence
Sinead ‘has been ghosted one too many times had to research’ Hegarty