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You Can't control, You Can Only Inspire

relationship Jun 08, 2020

We cause ourselves so much pain and resistance by trying to control other people's actions when in fact, we must be rid of this myth that we can somehow control others.


Sometimes I would find myself getting angry and agitated that someone in my life wouldn't meditate.


‘Just fucking try it! For god sakes everything you complain about could be gone if you just bloody meditate !’


But I can't control anyone and when I try to I have a sense of unease and anger.


When your partner hasn’t done the dishes; You can get angry at them, you can cause an uproar but you certainly cannot control what they do. However, what you can do is inspire them. Instead of roaring at them you can say;


‘Oh that made me very upset that you wouldn't do that for me, It probably would of made my day that little bit easier ’


Now, they know that this makes you upset, and your partner should not want to make you upset so, in fact, without trying to control them and calmly presenting how it made you feel, you could have inspired them to help you more. I mean if they do it or not that's the question- But the main thing is you didn't cause yourself stress by trying to control them.


My family has never been much for celebrating birthdays. There is never much fuss- no cakes, parties or balloons. This led me to never expect much on my birthday.


Things changed when I moved to Australia, my friends made such a fuss on my birthday ( I could barely handle it if i'm honest) All I knew was that I felt so loved and appreciated. It made me feel amazing to get a cake when celebrating something.


Every year I would get saddened that my family didn't make such a fuss, I would get so angry and maybe try to control their actions.


‘I Just want a card and a bottle of nandos sauce’


I never wanted much, just a little fuss, So instead of getting angry and trying to control their actions I decided to inspire them.


I threw my mum a big party for her birthday, I surprised her with balloons,cake the whole hooha! I never actually did this before. I'd usually just send her a card and a voucher- But i know how good it felt to get a fuss made, so I made the fuss!


A month later, it's my brother's birthday, I come down stairs and mum is blowing up balloons, making banners and there sitting was a big birthday cake. I smiled from ear to ear. I had inspired her! (she won't admit that though) mum knew how good it felt to get a birthday cake, it made her feel special and she now wanted my brother to feel thi special on his birthday.


The point is; trying to control others actions only causes you frustration, your job is too inspire and let them make their own decisions. Then, once they have made the decision you must let it be.


Be the person you want to have in your life

Be the partner you want to have next to you

Be the mum you always needed

Be the daughter you want to raise

Be the friend you need when times are tough


I talk about being in charge of your own inner state in my Ebook- Click here to purchase.


Sinead ‘can’t wait for her birthday’ Hegarty

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